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Five Minute Speeches - Wavy Gravy

How do you do. How do you do. My name is Wavy Gravy, the famous psychedelic drug. This is just a part of my nose. That's the safety. I'll do anything. It's a cheap trick, folks.  I'm working as an emcee, a tongue dancer, over on the music stage, and Scoop Nisker said, "If you had the whole Earth, what would you do with it?" And I started to think about that God, well, we need to clean it up.  I mean, if we want to sell it, like if a couple come in from Uranus, we can't show them this mess.  For years and years and years, since 1969, the Hog Farm had this plot. We said if that's where it's at, it's like putting a candle between some mirrors and letting it stretch to infinity (as I said to the mirror the other morning, "It's all done with people") and if we all shared stuff, and if everybody had something to eat and somewhere to lay down, and they didn't have to pay rent.

So we started this mad scam to buy back the Earth and give it away so it wouldn't be for sale any more, called Earth People's Park. Which, do you know, is 600 acres of land, the last left-hand turn in America, at Norton, Vermont.  It's a border, you know, which has been handy from time to time. They got beavers there, they got some rivers you can drink out of, it's kind of a neat vision, you understand. And obviously those of you who are old pros realize that this is the beginning of a pitch. I wouldn't waste this time with just my jabber. We owe $2,500 this year on the park, and then the last land payment is next year, $3,000, and that's it, we're done.  Finished. And everything else is taxes and gravy.

So at this point I'll just sort of turn into David Niven, and our ushers will walk among you with hats and if
you see clear for some spare change or photos of our founding fathers, you can throw 'em into the hats
and we'll take that and make the payment on the land. Are the ushers around? Okay, start the action. And
what I'm going to do is, I'll sing a quick one.  Feel free to throw fruit, 'cause singing is not my event,
but this kind of passed through me.

Wouldn't it be neat
If the people you meet
Had shoes upon their feet
And something to eat?

And wouldn't ft be fine
If all human kind
Had shelter?

(Here comes the chorus, sing it with me, it goes:)

Basic human needs
Basic human deeds
Doing what comes naturally
Down in the garden
Where no one is apart
Deep down in the garden
The garden of your heart.

And wouldn 't it be grand
If we all lend a hand
So each one could stand
On a free piece of land?

And wouldn't it be thrilling
If folks stopped their killing
And started in tilling

The land?

Chorus
No more churches
No more steeples
Good bye mirrors
Hello people

Helping people
Help yourself
And work out
Till the stars
Begin to shout
Oh thank God for something to do.

Chorus

And wouldn't it be daring
If folks started sharing
Instead of comparing
What each other Was wearing?
And wouldn't it be swell
If people didn't sell
Their mother Earth.

Chorus